Halloween is SO SCARY

I am afraid my earlier post might be misconstrued, so I have decided to change it to better communicate my thoughts. I felt a little unsettled after I hit "Publish." My attempt to be dry-funny turned out to appear haughty and mocking. Not my intention.
Here are a few of my thoughts about tonight. I am excited about tonight, but I am also a little embarrassed about it. The reason is that I have been far too distant from our neighbors and I only wish that tonight would be more than just a re-introduction to one another. The sad thing is that the Scariest thing to me about tonight is facing our neighbors when I know that I have not been as loving to them as I should have been.

Tonight really is going to be a great night to meet our neighbors- again. We will get to re-introduce ourselves to them and show them that they are always welcome at our house. We are going to open our arms and our hearts wide, gush over the kids, and care for our neighbors. It is, after all, one of the only times that neighbors will come to us! I hope they see Christ in us tonight. It's the perfect opportunity to kind of start over with our neighbors and extend the hand of friendship that has all too often stayed in our pockets as we have walked our neighborhood. Lights will definitely be ON at our house.
And it's really not so scary. The One who is in us is greater than he who is in the world. Jesus said, "Take heart, I have overcome the world!" No amount of darkness can distinguish the smallest flame.
It is strange how on Halloween all the barriers that we set up throughout the year between ourselves and our neighbors seem to come down. I know that Halloween is pretty complicated for parents. I think I am probably too dogmatic about it. I honestly don't think it's a black and white issue. Jess and I have a conviction that one of the most unloving things we could do for our neighbors tonight is to sit in a dark house and turn our back on the people that God has deliberately placed us in the same neighborhood as. We haven't always been good at loving our neighbors, but tonight is a chance to start over. I love our neighbors. I am afraid that they just don't know it yet. That's what is truly scary.

Choosing my world wisely

As I was rummaging through my garage, pulling out camping and fishing gear for my trip last weekend, I ran across a book that has been very influential in my walk with Jesus. It's called "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer. I opened it up and briefly skimmed through it, looking at the things that I thought were worthy of highlighting years ago. It brought back great memories of when I was in college. I used to live and breathe the Word of God. I would sit in the University Center at UTA and read and meditate on scripture for hours. I would read books like "The Pursuit of God" and I would talk to God throughout the day. Every day.
One of the things that was so real to me when I was in college was the reality that there were 2 worlds in life. There is the spiritual realm, and then there is the physical realm. Life was incredibly exciting to me because I thought about, searched for, and anticipated things that God was doing in the spiritual realm. It changed the way I saw my interaction with my professors, my new friends that were completely lost, the freak with the bullhorn shouting at people as they walked by going to class, and those who worked on campus. I knew: "There is much more going on here than I can see with my eyes." Spiritual warfare had become so real and so... thick. And anytime I talk about this reality, I think I sound like a madman. I sound crazy.
And I can see why people thought Jesus was crazy. He said strange things all the time. He knew the reality of both worlds- the spiritual and the physical. "In my Father's house there are many rooms; if it weren't so, I wouldn't have told you." "I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me..." "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Had Jesus overcome anything? It appeared that he was in a battle with the authorities and that he was on the losing end.
And the parables that Jesus told- they were always somewhat veiled so only those who were thinking on the proper realm would understand them.
And the things Jesus did. His miracles served as a way to draw people to see the reality of the spiritual realm. The Kingdom of God had come to earth!
Okay, back to that book. The one in my garage. Here are a few things that I highlighted or circled and I wanted to share:
"Every man must choose his world."
"A spiritual kingdom lies all about us, enclosing us, embracing us, altogether within reach of our inner selves, waiting for us to recognize it. God Himself is here waiting our response to His presence. This eternal world will come alive to us the moment we begin to beckon upon its reality."
"At the root of the Christian life lies belief in the invisible. The object of the Christian's faith is unseen reality."
"The soul has eyes with which to see and ears with which to hear. Feeble they may be from long disuse, but by the life-giving touch of Christ they are now alive and capable of sharpest sight and most sensitive hearing."
"As we begin to focus upon God, the things of the Spirit will take shape before our inner eyes. A new God-consciousness will seize upon us and we shall begin to taste and hear and inwardly feel God, who is our life and our all. There will be seen the constant shining of "the True Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world" (John 1:9) More and more, as our faculties grow sharper and more sure, God will become to us the great All, and His presence the glory and wonder of our lives."
At the close of chapter 4 in his book, Tozer closes with this prayer, beautifully scripted:
"O God, quicken to life every power within me,
that I may lay hold of eternal things.
Open my eyes that I may see;
give me acute spiritual perception;
enable me to taste Thee and
know that Thou art good.
Make heaven more rela to me
than earthly thing has ever been. Amen."

It all presses me to wonder- which world am I choosing to live in today? I hope I choose wisely.

What good has come?

Jess and I were talking the other night about the last 3 weeks of our lives. The question got tossed out: "What good has really come from us losing our baby?" One of the answers that we settled on is this: We know without a doubt that there are many people who love us, and we have experienced what Jesus is like through our friends and family. We have had so many people send us cards, emails, text messages, phone calls, visits, food, flowers, hugs, and prayers. It is humbling to know that God has attached so many people to us. I think it is true that people hurt people. But I can also see that God uses people to heal people. Ultimately healing comes from God. But he is using people to heal us. Thank you, friends. Thank you, God. Good has come our way.

A Seed of Hope & Joy

I am learning what it means to embrace the sorrow that God has appointed for me. Miscarriages are very common and culture makes it hard to not feel like I am supposed to be over it after 2 weeks. I tell myself, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." I believe that it is. But my understanding of joy has been distorted by culture. "Alright, the old Kyle is back now" I find myself thinking, "I can't keep wallowing in grief." But I think I am finding that God sometimes wants us to sit in darkness and embrace pain. I am finding that Scripture speaks to this often. There is such thing as Godly sorrow. Jesus was sorrowful in the Garden, before his execution, "even to death." The Spirit, we are told, can be grieved.

I believe that the cause of sorrow in the world is sin. The weight of sin grieved Jesus in the Garden. The sin of rejecting God grieves the Holy Spirit. On a personal note, miscarriages happen because sin exists. Sin is morally ugly and disgusting. When we grieve from the loss of our child, we are longing for the bliss of life with God. John Piper says, "Our sorrow for sin is rooted in our savoring of God." Ultimately, I am sorrowful that sin exists and is at the root of all that pains us in the world today. I am angry about true life that is stolen from us all.

It sounds like a strange request, but please don't wake me up from my pain. Not yet. Let me embrace it. Because when I embrace it, I long for God. Ultimately I look forward to holding our child in heaven. I believe now that Jessica's Grandaddy, whom I will not meet this side of heaven, is holding our child and they both are waiting to see us. It seems too long for us. But it will only be the blink of an eye for them. Paul said he was "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." I am sorrowful, yet I am rejoicing. Seminary geeks call this "Eschatalogical tension." It's the tension that comes when you live in the reality of today AND the future. Scripture tells us to consider Jesus and take our cues from Him: "who for the joy set before him endured the cross..." Present Reality for Jesus in the Garden: Torture, humiliation, sin-bearing, hell on earth breaks loose on Him. Future Reality: Sitting at the right hand of God, Sin and death destroyed, having a people of his own, true life restored on an eternal scale.

Living in the reality of today AND the future.
Today's reality: We lost our baby. Tears exist.
Future reality: We gain our baby. God wipes away all tears. And the effects of sin no longer hurt us.

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. Because I have sinned against him, I will bear the Lord's wrath, until he pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness. Then my enemy will see it and will be covered with shame, she who said to me, 'Where is the Lord your God?' My eyes will see her downfall; even now she will be trampled underfoot like mire in the streets. The day for building your walls will come, the day for extending your boundaries." - Micah 7:7-11

Therefore, we grieve today, and we wait for the redemption of our bodies and the removal of all our sins. We grieve today, but we delight in hope of glory (Romans 5:2-3). Our hope and our joy is muffled by the pain. But there is a seed of hope and joy. This seed will grow, and one day, it will produce great delight and unlimited pleasure in the presence of God and all who are found in Christ.

So let us embrace whatever sorrow God appoints for us. We will not be ashamed of tears. "Though we sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light for us." Pain is here now. Joy will be here in the morning.

The Great Danger

"The great danger is not that we will renounce our faith, but settle for a mediocre version of it."
-John Ortberg

Can't Wait

Words are left unspoken
Life and laughter still'd
Hearts and hopes are broken
One day in heaven fill'd.

Suffering so that it may result in praise, glory and honor

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

Pray for us and others

After speaking with a few dear friends this past week about our miscarriage, I was told about the tragedy that occured a few days earlier to one of the most influential pastors in my life. John Piper's family was expecting the birth of his grand-daughter, Felicity on Sunday. Instead, grief was born on Saturday morning. You can read their story by cutting and pasting the link below. When you remember Jessica and I in your prayers, remember them as well.
http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/829_felicity_margaret_piper/

You can also read what John Piper said at his grand-daughter's funeral by cutting and pasting the link below.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2007/2406_What_I_Said_at_My_Granddaughters_Funeral/

Thank you for your prayers.