The one whom Jesus loves...

I am beginning to post this blog. It's more in hopes that it will help me put into words what I believe God is showing me through His Word, His people, and everyday life. There is so much pressure to have the perfect title at the beginning- it's like I want to be that creative artsy fartsy guy who is incredible with words... but it's not going to happen I am afraid. But my real reason for this blog is to hopefully be real, and to please God.
I wonder what life was really like for the apostle John. Son of Thunder... the Beloved Disciple... or "the one whom Jesus loved" (as if there were others whom Jesus didn't love). When I look in the mirror I see a flabby man who is beginning to, sadly, grow older and slower. I see a man who falls short in so many areas . . . from being a great husband, to being a great leader, to being a righteous man, to being a good athlete. How differently John saw himself! When he looked in the mirror, he saw "the one whom Jesus loved." Was it pride to refer to himself as the "one whom Jesus loved" in his gospel? Or was he in on something that I need to try to grasp? If I were to have written John's gospel, I think it would have referred to John as the "cocky guy" or the "full-of-himself jerk" or the "Son of a . . . Thunder."
Maybe John was just better than me at coming to grips with grace. The man who asked Jesus if it was appropriate to call down fire from heaven to completely destroy an entire village because they rejected Jesus was eventually destroyed by the life and death of Jesus. The gospel changed the man. The hard-heart was broken down to a soft heart. Lover of Self was changed to Lover of Humanity. The man who wanted to be number 1 (Mark 10:35-37) lived the rest of his life dying to be last. Why? My guess is that his own eyes saw the crucifixion of the only One that deserved to be number 1. He watched his best friend die, and I think it just changed things for him. I wonder when the truth of what happened really settled into his heart... Was it when the Sanhedrin were upset with him for telling others about the news that the Kingdom of God had come... and it looked like a man dying on a cross? Did the truth that "I am the one whom Jesus loves" sink in when he watched his best friend leave the earth and on his way tell them "I promise you. I am with you always, to the very end of the age." I wonder if it sank in when he heard the news that his brother James had been killed for telling others about the love of his friend and savior Jesus.
I keep getting caught up thinking about the reality of it all. My wife would tell you that I could go on and on about this guy named John and how Jesus changed his life. I hope that my life will end up looking a lot like Jesus... I hope that my life will end up looking kind of like John's did too. One who had been changed from hopeless and wandering to "The one whom Jesus loves." What would life be like if every time I looked in the mirror, I saw with my eyes and knew in my heart that I am the one Jesus loves?
Come Jesus. Come. I am waiting...