What good has come?

Jess and I were talking the other night about the last 3 weeks of our lives. The question got tossed out: "What good has really come from us losing our baby?" One of the answers that we settled on is this: We know without a doubt that there are many people who love us, and we have experienced what Jesus is like through our friends and family. We have had so many people send us cards, emails, text messages, phone calls, visits, food, flowers, hugs, and prayers. It is humbling to know that God has attached so many people to us. I think it is true that people hurt people. But I can also see that God uses people to heal people. Ultimately healing comes from God. But he is using people to heal us. Thank you, friends. Thank you, God. Good has come our way.

A Seed of Hope & Joy

I am learning what it means to embrace the sorrow that God has appointed for me. Miscarriages are very common and culture makes it hard to not feel like I am supposed to be over it after 2 weeks. I tell myself, "The joy of the Lord is my strength." I believe that it is. But my understanding of joy has been distorted by culture. "Alright, the old Kyle is back now" I find myself thinking, "I can't keep wallowing in grief." But I think I am finding that God sometimes wants us to sit in darkness and embrace pain. I am finding that Scripture speaks to this often. There is such thing as Godly sorrow. Jesus was sorrowful in the Garden, before his execution, "even to death." The Spirit, we are told, can be grieved.

I believe that the cause of sorrow in the world is sin. The weight of sin grieved Jesus in the Garden. The sin of rejecting God grieves the Holy Spirit. On a personal note, miscarriages happen because sin exists. Sin is morally ugly and disgusting. When we grieve from the loss of our child, we are longing for the bliss of life with God. John Piper says, "Our sorrow for sin is rooted in our savoring of God." Ultimately, I am sorrowful that sin exists and is at the root of all that pains us in the world today. I am angry about true life that is stolen from us all.

It sounds like a strange request, but please don't wake me up from my pain. Not yet. Let me embrace it. Because when I embrace it, I long for God. Ultimately I look forward to holding our child in heaven. I believe now that Jessica's Grandaddy, whom I will not meet this side of heaven, is holding our child and they both are waiting to see us. It seems too long for us. But it will only be the blink of an eye for them. Paul said he was "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." I am sorrowful, yet I am rejoicing. Seminary geeks call this "Eschatalogical tension." It's the tension that comes when you live in the reality of today AND the future. Scripture tells us to consider Jesus and take our cues from Him: "who for the joy set before him endured the cross..." Present Reality for Jesus in the Garden: Torture, humiliation, sin-bearing, hell on earth breaks loose on Him. Future Reality: Sitting at the right hand of God, Sin and death destroyed, having a people of his own, true life restored on an eternal scale.

Living in the reality of today AND the future.
Today's reality: We lost our baby. Tears exist.
Future reality: We gain our baby. God wipes away all tears. And the effects of sin no longer hurt us.

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. Because I have sinned against him, I will bear the Lord's wrath, until he pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness. Then my enemy will see it and will be covered with shame, she who said to me, 'Where is the Lord your God?' My eyes will see her downfall; even now she will be trampled underfoot like mire in the streets. The day for building your walls will come, the day for extending your boundaries." - Micah 7:7-11

Therefore, we grieve today, and we wait for the redemption of our bodies and the removal of all our sins. We grieve today, but we delight in hope of glory (Romans 5:2-3). Our hope and our joy is muffled by the pain. But there is a seed of hope and joy. This seed will grow, and one day, it will produce great delight and unlimited pleasure in the presence of God and all who are found in Christ.

So let us embrace whatever sorrow God appoints for us. We will not be ashamed of tears. "Though we sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light for us." Pain is here now. Joy will be here in the morning.

The Great Danger

"The great danger is not that we will renounce our faith, but settle for a mediocre version of it."
-John Ortberg

Can't Wait

Words are left unspoken
Life and laughter still'd
Hearts and hopes are broken
One day in heaven fill'd.

Suffering so that it may result in praise, glory and honor

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

Pray for us and others

After speaking with a few dear friends this past week about our miscarriage, I was told about the tragedy that occured a few days earlier to one of the most influential pastors in my life. John Piper's family was expecting the birth of his grand-daughter, Felicity on Sunday. Instead, grief was born on Saturday morning. You can read their story by cutting and pasting the link below. When you remember Jessica and I in your prayers, remember them as well.
http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/829_felicity_margaret_piper/

You can also read what John Piper said at his grand-daughter's funeral by cutting and pasting the link below.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2007/2406_What_I_Said_at_My_Granddaughters_Funeral/

Thank you for your prayers.

It's a Haiku

O my Dallas Cowboys -
Romo looks like number 8 at times
I like pie
T.O. stands for Terrell Owens
William & Mary is a school?
Wade Phillips is boring
But it doesn't matter
Wow. How bout them Cowboys.